Relationships: Person A

Can Someone Actually Be Incapable of Love?

     Love is something just about everyone in this world wants to find, and very few actually do find it. But what does Love mean to you? Does it mean forever? Or does it mean happiness for right now? Either way, we all want it.

     Now I am definitely not a 100% expert when it comes to relationships, especially when it comes to myself, but I love to talk about it and it’s a topic that everyone can relate to. Over the past year or so, I have been obsessed with making relationships the main topic of conversation with my friends, and I feel that I have learned so much that I can finally write about it, which is something I haven't done on here before.
     One thing I have learned is that there are several different categories of people in the dating world. One type has been catching my attention a lot lately, and that is the person who is completely indecisive when it comes to finding someone and they are even often said to be incapable of love.
     Let’s call this type of person “Person A”. This type of person thinks they know just exactly what they want. This is, most of the time, based off of a person they have a major crush on (Person B). Person A just thinks they want these certain qualities in a person and that Person B matches the description perfectly, when really it is the exact opposite.
     When Person B finally wants Person A, Person A is so excited and happy… at first. Then, just as Person B is finally going to make their move, Person A backs off and shuts down emotionally. They want someone else suddenly, or the “timing in their life is just off.” No. Let’s back up for a second… Person A has been so obsessed with Person B. They have been waiting and waiting and waiting on Person B to make their move and they just know it is going to happen because Person B has got to be “the one”- hey, they match the list perfectly! Yeah, what happened to all of that?
Person A:

• Doesn’t know what they really want, but thinks they do.
• Scared of a failing relationship.
• Insecure in their own abilities to stay in a long term relationship.
• Scarred from a past relationship or possibly a parents’ divorce.

     The cure? While I’m not quite sure if there is a cure for Person A, you don’t need to worry. I don’t believe there is such thing as being incapable of love. All you need to do, which is typically a huge problem for Person A, is realize what your problems are. Why don’t you keep wanting what you swear is right for you? And why do you back off as soon as what you so desperately want comes to you? Check the bullets above.
     Probably the more challenging thing about Person A is that not only are they hurting their selves, but they are also hurting Person B. Most of the time when people are in this type of situation, the same scene plays out over and over again with the same two people. It’s because Person A, time after time, keeps thinking they are finally ready to claim what they want, when in reality, they are not ready at all. The cycle just keeps going.
     The point of this is, if you are Person A, realize why you keep backing off. You really need to get to understand the reason behind your actions and reactions. Then you need to explain all of that to Person B. The #1 rule in relationships is that you should never leave your significant other (or potential significant other) wondering what is going on in your brain. Put everything out in the open and be 100% honest. When you tell Person B all of your reasons for your backing off and changing your mind, they will become more understanding. That doesn’t mean everything will be perfect and live happily ever after. That person could end up not wanting you at all because they know you will never end up committing. So then, this is what you need to do, Person A: as my friends and I would say, “You needs ta RE-CAL-CUH-LATE”. Train yourself to start thinking differently and going into relationships with a different mindset. Don’t over-think everything. Know that you are capable of being in a relationship and really get to the root of what you want and why you want that. Person A, it can take a while for you to break your habits. But if you keep working towards it, you will eventually get what you really want.

There you go, my first blog about relationships!

I hope you enjoyed and I would love to hear what you think!

-B